In the Mess
by magentabear
Summary: Just another day at Forks High for our vampires. Features big brother antics, little brother theatrics and, of course, a casual disregard for personal space. Pre-Twilight, barely.


A/N: Not mine, obviously, characters belong to people not me. Just a little bit of Cullen family fun. Hope you enjoy! (unbeta'd so mistakes are mine)

-

Jasper is a soldier. He has strength and poise and a high ranking and if that doesn't work, he has a gun and teeth that can cut steel. He is old, older than anybody in this room. He is a veteran who survived some of the bloodiest battles in Texas history and some of the most vicious of an even bloodier history. He is a military man, thank you kindly, and he will _not_ be spoken to like he's an ignorant punk teenager.

Except that every day he is.

"So kind of you to pay attention today, Mr. Hale," his history teacher drawls.

_So kind of me not to kill you today_, he wants to snarl but Emmett lays a hand on his shoulder and Jasper turns his grimace into a smile. It's not apologetic in any way but that idiot teacher will simply have to take what he can get.

"I don't like him," Emmett announces twenty minutes later in the hallway.

"Last week you said he was even funnier than Edward's face when Mrs. Copes is too close."

"Last week I liked him. This week I don't."

Emmett's feelings are untroubled. His life really is that simple.

Astounding.

"Aw, c'mon baby brother, cheer up." Emmett drops an arm over his shoulder (luckily the clash of lockers drowns out the sound) and pulls him toward the lunchroom. "Don't look so down. You know Alice gets mad at me when you show up at lunch all morose."

"I'm almost a hundred years older than you," Jasper snaps back. He lets Emmett keep his arm there, though. Emmett's happy calmness is a relief, a wall against the anxious dimwits around him, and he won't push it away just yet.

"I'm still bigger than you," Emmett retorts, completely unfazed.

"You think I haven't taken down newborns bigger than you? Stronger? Newborns, Emmett. _Newborns_."

Edward is in front of them suddenly, lips curled back rather unattractively. "What is _wrong_ with you?" he hisses. He waves his hands toward the other students dramatically. "Are you _blind_?"

"Aw, they aren't listening," Emmett scoffs. "They're too busy wondering if we've gone incestuous to actually listen."

Jasper pushes away from Emmett and takes measure of the room. He freezes. Mother of God, the crowd _is_ excited. This town is ridiculous.

Edward pauses. "Oh my. You're right. This is. Oh."

"Humans!" Emmett chirps, but quietly for the sake of his youngest brother's sanity. "Aw, I could never eat them, they're too funny," he whispers fondly. He turns to the crowd at his left and grins hugely.

Jasper considers fratricide. Vampricide? Fravampricide?

Edward boggles at him.

"Lunch," Jasper declares. "I think it's time for lunch. To the mess."

"Honestly, Jasper, it's not that hard," Emmett says as he flings the arm back over his shoulder and waves to some of the more nervous students. "They call it a lunchroom. Or an auditorium. Maybe even a multipurpose room, if the school thinks it's fancy. No one says _mess_ anymore."

"Why is your arm on me?"

"You know you like it."

"Well I know _you_ like it."

"Can't hide nothing from my brothers," Emmett laughs.

Edward whirls around a little more dramatically that is strictly necessary and takes off for the lunchroom. They follow him, unconcerned by his theatrics, and Jasper manages to shake off Emmett's arm. Emmett retaliates with a flick to ear and the only thing that saves Jasper from attacking his brute of a brother is the sight of Alice at the other end of the room, her head bent toward Rosalie as they talk quietly.

"Do you know what Alice is telling Rosalie right now?" Jasper asks. "Because I do. She's telling her to start planning your funeral."

"Is she really?" Emmett drawls.

"Yes," Jasper says. "I've decided you're too annoying to live."

"Ah. And you'll notice my wife is smiling?"

"Tragic. Sorry, man, I knew she's didn't feel _quite_ the same way about you but it seemed rude to spill."

"Allow me to continue," Emmett says gracefully. "My wife is telling yours that you both have a two minute head start."

Edward pinches the bridge of his nose. "They're discussing Prada and _shut up you aren't yet married here, you dimwitted Neanderthals_." That last part is little more than a hiss.

"Christ, Edward, chill."

"Who's Prada, anyway? Do I need to care?"

"Shoes."

Emmett nods grimly. "I need to care."

They reach the lunch table. _Finally_. Moving at human pace is exhausting. Jasper takes the chair on the end, next to Alice and far from Emmett. Emmett waggles his eyebrows suggestively and pulls Rosalie's chair closer to his own.

"Good day?" Alice murmurs.

Jasper feels every muscle in his body relax as he leans into her touch. "Nothing too exciting."

She grins at him. "Good. You know I like the calm."

He grins back.

Emmett flicks a piece of paper at him. Jasper ignores it.

Edward is still tense. Jasper sends some calmness toward him.

"Stop that," he snaps. "You should all be as tense as me, talking like that in front of them."

"Stop worrying," Jasper orders. If he were still in the military this would be enough. He's not, though, and Edward is still sulking. "Edward. _Edward_."

"What?"

"You worry too much. No one felt alarmed. They know nothing."

"Not _now_."

"Not ever."

Emmett flicks another piece of paper at him. Jasper ignores it.

Alice does not. She kicks him under the table and this time there aren't any lockers to drown out the sound. She looks around with wide, innocent eyes and shrugs her shoulders in apparent confusion when the surrounding students start looking for the crashing boulders.

"Not you, too," Edward groans. "We've been here one year. Can we _please_ lay off the crazy behavior at least until graduation? I don't feel like moving."

Rosalie's anger backs up this sentiment. Emmett pulls her chair even closer to his own—a feat that had seemed impossible moments before—and starts whispering in her ear. They all pretend they can't hear his plans for their afternoon.

"You should stop worrying, though," Alice says. "I don't see any problems coming."

Edward glares at her.

She smirks.

"Stop thinking that."

"No."

"What are you hiding?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you translating Nsync songs into Mandarin?"

"Because I love them."

"You hate them."

"I love that you hate them."

"That's not the same thing."

"Will you tell me later?" Jasper asks.

Alice smiles. "Of course."

Edward makes a small noise in the back of his throat. Jasper gloats. Jasper enjoys gloating. He finds it's a very good way to pass lunch—always the worst part of his day, with those humans so close and hunger so apparent in their emotions—and so he continues his gloating.

Alice hums.

Emmett feels up Rosalie under the table. Her anger is long-gone.

Jasper gloats.

Edward sulks.

"Ooh," Alice squeals suddenly. "New student coming soon! Edward, she looks simply _lovely_."

"And you tell me this because?"

She grins.

"I swear by everything, if you get that horrible _Bye Bye Bye_ song stuck in my head again—"

"You know you like it."

"_Alice_."

"I'm not going to ruin the surprise."

"You'll tell me later?" Jasper asks.

Alice pauses, looking between her brother and her husband. "No, Jasper, I don't think I will. This is going to be _fun_."

Jasper doesn't tell Edward about the trill of nervous confusion running underneath her excitement, nor the almost-hidden hint of despair. But he notices, of course, and he knows what it means. Something big is coming. Something Alice can't fully see.

The nervousness is growing stronger, almost moving into fear territory. He touches her wrist and she smiles softly, the little smile that means yes, she's upset, but no, he doesn't need to worry. And he smiles back, the one that means that's just too bad, he's going to worry anyway.

Emmett throws yet another piece of paper at him. Jasper struggles to ignore him.

"You guys are disgusting," Emmett says with absolutely no malice. "Just go get a room already."

"Please," Alice scoffs, "like you're one to talk."

Rosalie's grin is absolutely wicked right until the moment it's covered by Emmett's mouth.

"And that's my limit," Edward announces. "That right there. I cannot believe I'm surrounded by you people."

"Vampires, not people," Alice sings under her breath. "All vampires over here."

"I am going to class," he says with great dignity. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

He walks away.

"Love you, too, bro," Emmett booms. "Have a splendid afternoon, little guy."

The entire auditorium stills.

Edward doesn't turn back but his middle finger flicks up so quickly only his siblings can see it. Emmett, Rosalie and Alice dissolve into childish giggles and even Jasper can't help grinning at the display.

There are more important matters at hand, though, and he turns to Alice.

"Well?" he asks expectantly. "Are you going to tell me why you're attacking him with Nsync?"

Alice flaps her hand dismissively. "Oh, that was nothing. Just messing with him. But, Jazz, this new girl? Not _that_ is going to be a show."

-

A/N: Thanks for reading! And just to clear up possible confusion, I don't believe Alice had a very firm idea of how Edward would react to Bella's arrival. If she did, I doubt she would have let me go off to biology without warning. So she's not being reckless here, she's just looking forward to teasing her brother about a girl she can tell will mean something to him.


End file.
